weddingsv make me drug and hornr
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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