why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
