i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
