Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Randomize
