I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
