So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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