So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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