my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
