JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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