i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
The beer is more important than you right now.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
