I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I just found a bag of teeth...
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
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