i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize