actually, I'm a sock model
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
