Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize