Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
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