If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
