Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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