i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Your cock deserves a montage
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
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