WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
