turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
