Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Dignity is for republicans.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
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