no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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