He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
