Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
