he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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