PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
