Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
