good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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