Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
