I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
