i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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