No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
