Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
