did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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