Joe is yelling at the trees again.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
