Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
