I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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