When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
