Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
