I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
