I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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