Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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