Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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