"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
