My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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