I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
