were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
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