my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
