Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Randomize
