i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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