I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
