I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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