He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
