You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
