C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
