I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
