idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Randomize
