if you like me you must not know who I am
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize