The maid of honor just puked.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
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