i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
a search helicopter?!
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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