You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
