so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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