my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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