he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
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I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
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and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize