the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
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