Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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