She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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