Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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